Junk sex

Some of you will know that I’ve been modifying my food intake the last few months — no gluten, sugar, red meat, shellfish, chicken, dairy or eggs. Which leaves me with perfectly fine vegetables, fish, rice and the occasional buckwheat noodles.

Which means that I plan my meals accordingly. One thing I no longer do is grab a quick takeaway to go — I’m sure we’re all familiar with the concept of junk food. Good, then.

One thing that’s easy, especially if you’re a gay man in a large city, is do the same with sex. I call this junk sex. As the old joke goes, it’s like instant coffee: it’s easy, it’s available, and afterwards you’d wish you had a cappuccino instead. There are lots of websites and even apps (Grindr, Recon) to help you should you arrive in a strange city and feel liking hooking up with a stranger within half an hour. Heaven forbid you should go without immediate sex!

Now, the question is: what on earth is a discussion about promiscuity doing on a minimalist blog? Plenty.

You’ll notice that the title is “live with more, live with less”, so it’s not just about minimalism, but using minimalism to free you up to get more of what you want. What you really want, rather than stuff. And one of those things, I’ve decided, is connection.

And let’s be brutally honest here: how much connection do you get in your average one-night stand?

Now, I’m not the sex police. Everyone can and should decide how much sex they want and with which consenting adult(s) they want it with. People hook up for all sorts of reasons for all sorts of situations, and I’m certainly not going to tell them right from wrong. I think there’s more than enough people moralising, scrutinising and politicising sex without my adding to the noise.

I just want to pose the question: what do you want? As in, what do you really want? What do you really, really want?

And if it’s a quick hook up, fine. But if it’s something deeper, something more than responding to a message on an app, may I suggest you examine the “clutter” in your sex life?

And here’s the radical solution: get rid of quick hook-ups. That might leave a bit of “room”, so to speak, for something a bit more.

That’s my next experiment.

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